The Decision

After much prayer and consideration, and a wonderful talk with another mom who has been there, done that, we decided to go with the really expensive guy. Steve just kept saying he wants to get it right the first time. Well, this guy is supposedly well known and highly respected. And his initial 3 evaluations were within reason, and he doesn't do any therapy with children until they are 2. So we can go to the "baby whisperer" as I like to think of him, and hear what Gabriel is trying to tell us.

Our first visit happened quickly, thanks to Steve's work being flexible with his hours so we can help our family heal. I would love to say that it was magical, but it wasn't. Almost 1-1/2 hours to get there, Steve was late due to faulty internet directions, and some of the things the therapist stated didn't sit well with me. They didn't make sense to me, and I will have to get some of these issues clarified. Most of what he said made sense and I believe. I don't want to go into detail at this point. But we'll go back in a couple weeks and he will videotape us interacting with him, and then another appointment he'll give us our assessment and suggestions on how to help him with these issues.

In the meantime, Steve and I continue to see progress, but there is still a long road ahead. Rarely he sleeps well at night. Most of the time, he moans at some point during the night. Ocassionally he really cries and needs comforted, which so far has been Steve as I just don't have it in me by that time. Naps are completely unpredictable. I had over a week of putting him in bed without too much fuss, and then yesterday he screamed during his morning nap and I had to hold and rock him for that nap. When not in our arms, Gabriel has increased his eye contact with us. He has also shown some resistance to Heather's leaving his presense in the past week (that's a good thing).

God has shown me I (Heather) need to change a lot of my mindset. He has used scripture in many ways, or fellow Christians, to help me alter my thinking. I have to give up every ounce of my day. If Gabe naps well, that is a blessing that I can then spend time with the girls, have quiet time, or get something done. If he doesn't, I will need to hold him through it, which means I'm out of commission for 1/2 hour to 1-1/2 hours. I have to prepare the girls for what to do when I have to hold him. Through our Social Worker, she stated that we are doing "therapuetic parenting." It's not the average parenting, and the trauma that he has gone through will take some work to heal. Through scripture, one example is of yesterday's devotional on the good Samaritan. God showed me that Gabe is the beaten up man on the side of the road. No, I would not have chosen to have a special needs child, but that wasn't my decision but God's. Now I need to be the compassionate Samaritan. I spoke with a Christian women yesterday who does attachment parenting with her children. For her, it was how God was her parent when she first became a Christian. First He would always answer her, then after growing more in the faith, He didn't always answer, but she knew he was there. So she is co-sleeping and being very present for her infant, and starting to losen the closeness with her older child.

I have had a couple offers of help, and heard that some others have wanted to know how they can help us. Obviously, prayer is needed and felt. I could not do this on my own, as I have tried. I can only get through each day with the assistance of the Holy Spirit. Beyond that, I have had trouble coming up with what others could do. Part of that is due to guilt (How many other mom's of 3 get help? What if I am having a good day and am doing ok?), part of that is out of pride (I'd much rather be the one doing the helping), part of that is out of ignorance (I really don't know what would help). I feel like I can handle meals, and I really don't savor the idea of someone cleaning my house. But what could be helpful is someone occasionally watching the kiddos while I cooked or cleaned or shopped. Or inviting the girls to do something, so they are not always stuck without fun or without mom. Or inviting me out in the evening to get away while Steve is home to watch the kids. Just calling or e-mailing is good too. I'm still trying to think on this.

Thanks to you who read this and pray for us. Many blessings to you. There are so many more people out there hurting more than us. Thanks for taking the time to think of us.

Life's like a box of chocolates

So Gabe qualifies for First Steps for fine motor skills and speech. Speech, there's a surprise. Anyways, OT who evaluated him and OT who will be doing his therapy both think that he has some sensory issues that can be helped. He did good with his first session today.

Though we are seeing progress with Gabriel, unfortunately the bad days are getter harder and worse. All the time and energy we have invested seem to be going nowhere. Which leads to our frustration, then his frustration, and the snowball effect. About two weeks ago he stopped wanting to nap well. It has been a fight everyday for his naps. Sometimes he will only fuss, and then wake up early. Many other times he is screaming his bloody head off and refuses to go to sleep, unless I pick him up and hold him (probably sometimes not even then). We were informed that we needed to seek therapy for him. Yup, it's official. We are not the typical adoption situation we were familiar with. No wonder it's seemed harder. And yesterday I found out that the total cost of the therapy he needs with one guy will be $5,000-10,000! Same day he screamed for his naps, same day Addison broke down, saying she misses spending time with me. Same day I broke down (among many) trying to figure out how we can afford that. God provided my lot in Shipshe to be sold for us to afford his adoption, but that has mostly been spent. Oh, and same night that he decided to scream out when being put to bed at night, which he hasn't done since we started sleep training. Luckily I was able to call a friend and bawl on her shoulder through the phone.

Today I found out that we can get therapy through someone else at Bethany, of which they charge $100/hour, instead of the $174/hour that Mr. Wonderful charges. I also found out that we might be able to get state assistance for it, and that there is someone in West Lafayette that has studied attachment and has a private practice. Not sure about that, but I need to look into it. I'm willing to pay some for services, but $10,000? And we still haven't paid for Lauren's ears, and Steve's car has over 160,000 miles on it. And has anyone noticed the job market? Steve's job should be secure, but there are no guarantees in life, and we've been through that before.

Praise the Lord that Gabriel was able to sleep through the night last night. Praise the Lord that Gabriel napped easily and well today. He did cry out again tonight, but Steve was able to go back in and calm him down. Never know what tonight or tomorrow will bring. You know, life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you are going to get.

Happy 4th of July

We were watching the fourth of July festivities in DC on TV, when Aretha Franklin came on to sing. They announced her as the "Queen of Soul." Addison said, "is she the Queen in Korea?" She knew of Seoul, but not Soul.

We had a good assessment from First Steps, more will come on this later as we get more information and education.