Cute

Tonight as I was walking Gabriel in the hallway to get him to sleep, I tripped as Lauren went by. Then I realized that as I paced the hallway, she was pacing with me. Everytime I stopped and turned, she stopped and turned. I smiled at her, and she smiled back. Made my load a little lighter.

We had a great Sunday, then Gabriel woke up 4 times Sunday night. Sigh. He was quiet but good today, but I could tell he missed Addison and Steve. When Addison got home, he fussed more, and when Steve got home, he decided to go on a hunger strike. May be another 4 times up tonight.

I know that God wants us to learn something from each situation. One that I need to explore more is how we as adopted children to God, push him away, wanting to do what I want to do. And all He really wants is to love me. The other thing that always comes to a head when I have babies is how selfish I am. May God redeem our hard times for His glory.

Very Special Girls

We have spent so much time with Gabe that it is sometimes easy to overlook or take for granted that we have two beautiful girls in the house as well. They have done admirably and really want to be helpers. This is a time of loss for them as well. They are losing some attention and connectivity to us while we as the parents do our best to have Gabriel attach to us. I hope that this time of change will make our family bonds stronger than ever before. The girls truly love their brother and his smiles show that that love is being reciprocated.

Fear the cow!

Cute right?

Well, let me back up a bit. Besides all the clothes and personal information that was packed for Gabe in his bag, there were also some personal effects. Toys, pictures, his hanbok. Normal things that you would expect to see for a Korean child. Under all that was, of all things, a toy cow. I could tell it was battery operated but couldn't figure out how to turn the thing on and therefore could not tell what kind of fun that the cow might provide.

Eventually, we fished around on his left arm and found the secret spot that turned this silly looking cow into ... well, you really have to see it to believe it.



Yes, thats right. Crazy, by Gnarles Barkley. No Moo. No funny song and dance for children.

Lauren and Addison want to push the cow button all the time but there is a strict one per day limit. Unfortunately, like the Pharoah in the Ten Commandments, I broke my own law to give you this fine video recording.

Another day, another loss

Last night Gabriel slept until 12:30. He didn't take very much milk, and despite using the same pattern we had, when I put him in bed, he just started screaming. Back to the drawing board. After holding and rocking him for about 1/2 hour, and giving him some Tylenol, he fell asleep enough to put him back into bed. I can say so far, when he is out, he is out. And then he slept until after 8 this morning.

Since he has been so fussy, and we don't know if it's his ears or if it's his grieving, we took him to the doctor today. It's not his ears, it's us. Or it could be teething. I think it's more likely his grieving. There are times I look at him when he is wailing, and I think, "If he could talk, he'd be saying, "Your not my mommy' and a few other choice words. Of course, maybe I've seen too many TV movies.

Addison got to go to Preschool and assist the teachers today. Then she went to her best friend, Kiersten's house. My neighbor offered to take Lauren to open gymnastics this afternoon. Lauren just loves Mrs. Bailey, but right as they were getting ready to leave, so broke down crying. She still wanted to go, and never said what was wrong, but my opinion is this is her way of grieving the changes in her life.

I should be off taking a nap, but I so crave the one moment in the day when it is quiet.

Crying, lots of crying

The sleepover has ended and the real work has begun. The beginning of the week Gabe was much less smiley, but still slept pretty good. On Tuesday he went to visit the doctor for a quick check up. Unfortunately our pediatrician is out of office for the next week, so we saw another physician. We were definitely not ready for what happened there.

Gabriel had been pulling at his ears, and with the long flight, we wanted his ears checked out. There was wax in both ears blocking the view for the doctor. He tried to use a tool to pull it out, but was not able to get at it. That in itself was hard, with Gabe crying and not wanting to be held still. Then we had to lay on him and hold him still on his side so they could put some medicine in his ear to break down the wax. After that was in for awhile, they filled this plastic pot of water, that was connected to a hose and tube, which was stuck in his ear, vibrating loudly, and they tried to flush the was out. What seemed like eternitly of this and him wailing (it may have been 10 minutes), they were able to look into both ears. Not sure how cleaning one ear got both ears clean, but I'll take it. Conclusion? The hardened wax had caused irritation in both ears, leading to an outer ear infection. And that's not all, both eardrums were red and bulging--and inner ear infection too.

Since then, getting him to sleep has gotten harder and harder. Gone are the days we could lay him in his crib and he would fall asleep. Now there is much walking, holding, swaying, back aching, crying, fussing, and more crying. On the positive, the longest it has taken is 40 minutes to get him to full sleep, he is starting to be able to play on his own for a short time, and he is starting to eat more. He is still pulling at his ears, so I'm not sure how the medicine is working, or if this is how he expresses himself when he is mad or tired. So many things to learn for all of us.

Gabriel is Home

What a difference 24 hours can make. Gabriel’s flight came in close to on time. We waited in baggage claim for him. I was sitting talking to our friend Jon, who was there with his wife Nicole to videotape and take pictures for us. Steve was by the arrival monitors. I looked down where the passengers would come through, and I saw a baby in blue and white and an Asian lady holding him. But the crowd kept getting in the way, so I kept moving around trying to see if it was Gabriel, and when I saw the flight attendant and Traveler’s Aide, I knew it was him! I called for Steve and we got to see our son for the first time. We were both an emotional mess, though it may not as shown as much on the outside. We were told that his escort spoke English, however we soon found out that she really didn’t. Trying to ask her when he last ate, came across to her as our offer to get her something to eat, so she kept saying no. I figured it was useless to try and ask when he slept. All she said was “good baby.” Finally Steve pointed to Gabriel and said something like eat, and she said “1/2 hour.” Of course, we didn’t know if he ate ½ hour ago, or if he needs to eat in ½ hour. So we hung around, let everyone hold him, changed him, attempted to feed him, and then finally started our journey home. The girls were SO excited. Addison wanted to wear a dress to dress up to see her brother. Lauren had the biggest grin on her face. They both wanted to hold him so much. I can hardly keep away from him. Steve and I were so emotionally drained, we were not sure how the ride home would be. He had yet to cry the whole time we were in the airport. I figured as soon as he was strapped into his car seat (which would have been his first time in a car seat), he would scream. But he didn’t. For the next half hour, he fussed, and then he fell asleep! He would wake every 5 minutes and fuss, then go back to sleep. Eventually that became 20 minute intervals. He slept like that until we were about 4 miles from home. When we got home, we tried to feed him again, but he still wouldn’t eat, even from his own bottles and his own formula. After about 30 minutes, and reading how he was put to sleep in Korea, we laid him in the crib beside our bed, and patted his back. He fussed. I decided to change into my PJ’s, and by the time I changed he was asleep on his own. Steve and I crawled into bed, and after about ½ hour, he woke and fussed. I stroked his back and fingers, as I had done in the van. Again, about every ½ hour he woke like this and fussed. Since he hadn’t ate much, mother guilt took over and I tried to feed him, with very little success. But he did seem to calm down and sleep in my arm, so we laid on the couch. And the rest of the night was him sleeping and waking every half hour. I was expecting worse, so it wasn’t too bad. Finally at 5:30 I needed to get a bit of sleep, so I put him in his crib, and when he fussed Steve took over the every ½ hour shifts. He finally took a bottle for Steve and ate about 5 ounces. I spent all night getting that in him. He is slowly starting to eat a little bit more. His first smile was to big sister Addison in the airport restroom as we were changing him. His first laugh was watching Daddy brush his teeth when we got home. He has laughed many times after for his big sister Addison.
I definitely think he is grieving, but of course it could be a combination of grieving, teething (he has 2 on bottom and one just starting on top), and jet lag. But so far we are doing well. I hope you enjoy our pictures so far. Please let me know if you want to continue to receive updates. We probably should create a blog. We also came home to a big surprise. Not only had our carpets in the bedrooms been cleaned (thank you Kelley!), but we had several gifts in his room with a lovely welcome home sign. We also had Cinnabon rolls on our counter for breakfast (oo, they were so yummy). What blessings! Thanks to you all for your prayers (I think they were definitely a gift from God), and please continue them if you can