Sickness

Wow, has it been awhile, and has it been a long almost 2 months! From the date of our last post, until now, someone in our household has been sick. Gabriel went from getting some virus after the camping weekend, to developing an ear infection, to not seeming to be responding to the antibiotic, to another stronger antibiotic, to an allergic reaction to the second antibiotic, to what was likely H1N1/Swine Flu. He was literally sick and screaming and not sleeping for a month. Addison brought the flu home from school, and was out for 3 days from school. A few weeks later we took her to get the seasonal flu vaccine, which they only had the nasal kind, and she got the flu from that! She was out another 3 days from school. Lauren was next to get the swine flu, but did great, and she did not get sick from the nasal vaccine. I got the flu after Lauren, which was several weeks ago, and I'm just finishing up a second course of antibiotic and steroids to heal the nasty sinus infection it gave me. Somehow, Steve stayed healthy through this all, but did end up taking about 3 days off of work. Now I'm the only one who hasn't had the seasonal flu vaccine, and they are almost out everywhere around here.

With Gabe being sick, he took a sharp nosedive with his attachment. When I was sick with the flu, I would come near him and he would start crying and point to Steve. Yeah. We decided that it was time to start up counseling again, and to try the therapist down the street. It's amazing how different Gabe is from crying at my presence to now. It wasn't the counselor, but he was able to give us insight to what happened. Basically, Gabe felt that I caused his sickness (I see mom, I feel sick, mom made me sick). As he started to get healthy again, his attachment to me grew, so that by my second meeting, which was with the therapist and Gabe, the therapist was able to confirm that Gabe was attached to me, and I believed it too. Steve came home that week and said that he could see the change in relationship between the two of us as well. We were enjoying each other, not just doing what we had to to survive. He also started to sleep through the night again, which does wonders to heal a body, mind and soul.

I know that there will be setbacks with Gabe, it isn't called the "dance of attachment" for nothing. But I feel like we are at the end of the attachment tunnel, looking out into the world of raising children, and all the pitfalls we have ahead with his possible adoption issues. Now that we have a relationship with Gabe, we can start discipline. Discipline is nothing without a relationship. Boy can this boy throw a tantrum!

It is always possible we are just on a peaceful island on this adventure, and just gearing up for the next tsunami! I hope not, but there are no guarantees in life (yes, except death and taxes). And this is what I must wrestle through with God. Why is life so wretched and unrelenting for some believers? Do some of us truly have to just wait our 1-90 years of this torturous life and just wait for the next? Is that our only hope? Should that be enough? Maybe it's just to realize my dependence on Him? Though I felt I was stretched beyond my ability the past few months, I'm still here, and he upheld me through many times. I'll have to wait and see what He is willing to teach me.

*Oops, I forgot to post this!